Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mountains and Valleys

I'll be straight forward in this post. My Mountain moment was yesterday when we received the keys to our new home. My Valley moment was today when I was called into my offices to be told that I was being laid off. What a week. I can't say I didn't see this coming but still. My company is eliminating my position across the board so I guess I should feel lucky that I was offered another, albeit lower paying position within the company. 

What these last 2 days have done for me is put things into perspective. I now understand why I was told I had hoop dreams for wanting to do something, ANYTHING in my field of interest. Because with the weight of a mortgage payment looming in the near future and this lay off happening, I see now why I need to follow the money. At least for now. I want to do all these things in my personal and professional life and right now one side is moving full steam ahead while the other is stalling fast. 

I keep trying to understand or at least accept these bumps in the road when it comes to my professional struggles but its getting harder and harder. I need a breakthrough of some sort. Or at least a reminder that "Hey, this'll be over sooner than you think." All in all, I think I'm taking it in stride but I can't pretend like I don't feel a sense of pressure to let go of my dreams and hustle my ass off to get paid. 

Well, being that I 'm nodding off as I type, I'll let you all go and fill you in later.

Monday, March 28, 2011

If At First you Don't Succeed...

Bury your head in the sand and hide. I'm not serious but after this past Friday that is what I felt like doing. I had an interview with the first company that I was actually excited to work for in a long time. It was more than just someplace other than where I am now. It was a company I saw myself making my mark in. I interviewed on Wednesday and by Friday afternoon I had gotten my friendly, run of the mill, cookie cutter rejection email from the "recruiting team". Needless to say, I felt like burying my face in my pillow and sleeping for about 48 hours.

What all of the above means is that I am still in the same place that I was in December. Stuck in my same job since graduation, which I am grateful for but in no way passionate about. My fiancĂ© and I did get a house and my mother will be living with us (not as awful an idea as I originally thought, but we'll see).

But what this particular post is about is my coming to terms with my mounting rejections in the job field. I've prayed for patience until the job I want and deserve comes along but it still gets hard. I felt like a massive failure on Friday. But I'm taking the steps necessary to see what I am doing wrong and what I can do better in the future. Because honestly, something has got to give. I know that this time in my life will build my character and that I will be all the better for it and blah blah blah but shit, it still sucks when you're in the trenches of it.

What's the hardest part of this whole ordeal is not the rejection after rejection I have received over the course of the last year, but the fact that my job search is so varied because I don't know what my passion is. I don't have a sport, a hobby, a trade, a subject or even a curiosity about anything that I can think of. A life without passion is no life at all. I have so much to live for but I don't know what I want my life's work to be. It makes me wonder if everyone in this world has a passion. I suppose many do but their passion is not what they do for a living. But a passion all the same. 

I truly sit and wonder what my passion is or will be. Is it staring me in the face? Have I not found it yet? Will I ever have one? I guess all I can do is wonder and continue looking for it. And if I don't find it wherever I am looking, I guess I'll have to try, try again.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Something to keep me sane...

Hello everyone. Although everyone would include just me for now. Let me first start with this: I am not a writer. I am just a frustrated 23 year old who thinks I've annoyed everyone in earshot of me with my post graduate woes. So instead of whining to those around me, I'll vent to the next best thing to a best friend: a bunch of strangers on the internet.

My life on paper is pretty normal. I'm 23, from New York (Queens to be exact) and currently living in Baltimore. I graduated from Towson University in May 2009. And after May 2009 is where the point of this blog originates.

Until then, I pretty much knew how things got accomplished in my world. If I wanted something, I went out and got or earned it with hard work. Either way, my efforts always paid off and there was an obvious result of my effort (for example- I studied, I got an A. I passed my classes, I graduate college). But nowadays, my efforts are often futile and  my frustrations are at an all time high.

I'm in a job that pays the bills but leaves me with pretty much no money to save for my wedding (I'm engaged) or for a house (which has me seriously considering the idea of my mother living with my fiance and I in order to get one). Every job/internship I applied to before graduation ended with me being offered a position. Now, I'll go 6 months without hearing from a position just for them to shoot me an email saying "they went with a more suitable candidate". 

So what I want to know is how everyone older than me could let me walk into such a big ass set up? No dream job or even a foot in the door to the field of my choice? How could they let me think it was going to be as simple as it was back then? Why did they even make that simple back then?

That last paragraph was obviously not true of what I think. Although it would be nice to say I wasn't warned. But I knew it was going to be hard when I got out into the "real world'. But I didn't think I would graduate during the worst economy the US has seen since polio. And I didn't think it would be so frustrating to not know "what comes next".

All that being said, I hope this blog will be an opportunity for me to keep my sanity and a way for the maybe 7 of you that will eventually learn my struggles as I navigate this Post Grad world. 

Good thing is, I feel a little better already. 
Not me but an ode to how I spend my days...looking for a new job.