Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mountains and Valleys

I'll be straight forward in this post. My Mountain moment was yesterday when we received the keys to our new home. My Valley moment was today when I was called into my offices to be told that I was being laid off. What a week. I can't say I didn't see this coming but still. My company is eliminating my position across the board so I guess I should feel lucky that I was offered another, albeit lower paying position within the company. 

What these last 2 days have done for me is put things into perspective. I now understand why I was told I had hoop dreams for wanting to do something, ANYTHING in my field of interest. Because with the weight of a mortgage payment looming in the near future and this lay off happening, I see now why I need to follow the money. At least for now. I want to do all these things in my personal and professional life and right now one side is moving full steam ahead while the other is stalling fast. 

I keep trying to understand or at least accept these bumps in the road when it comes to my professional struggles but its getting harder and harder. I need a breakthrough of some sort. Or at least a reminder that "Hey, this'll be over sooner than you think." All in all, I think I'm taking it in stride but I can't pretend like I don't feel a sense of pressure to let go of my dreams and hustle my ass off to get paid. 

Well, being that I 'm nodding off as I type, I'll let you all go and fill you in later.

Monday, March 28, 2011

If At First you Don't Succeed...

Bury your head in the sand and hide. I'm not serious but after this past Friday that is what I felt like doing. I had an interview with the first company that I was actually excited to work for in a long time. It was more than just someplace other than where I am now. It was a company I saw myself making my mark in. I interviewed on Wednesday and by Friday afternoon I had gotten my friendly, run of the mill, cookie cutter rejection email from the "recruiting team". Needless to say, I felt like burying my face in my pillow and sleeping for about 48 hours.

What all of the above means is that I am still in the same place that I was in December. Stuck in my same job since graduation, which I am grateful for but in no way passionate about. My fiancĂ© and I did get a house and my mother will be living with us (not as awful an idea as I originally thought, but we'll see).

But what this particular post is about is my coming to terms with my mounting rejections in the job field. I've prayed for patience until the job I want and deserve comes along but it still gets hard. I felt like a massive failure on Friday. But I'm taking the steps necessary to see what I am doing wrong and what I can do better in the future. Because honestly, something has got to give. I know that this time in my life will build my character and that I will be all the better for it and blah blah blah but shit, it still sucks when you're in the trenches of it.

What's the hardest part of this whole ordeal is not the rejection after rejection I have received over the course of the last year, but the fact that my job search is so varied because I don't know what my passion is. I don't have a sport, a hobby, a trade, a subject or even a curiosity about anything that I can think of. A life without passion is no life at all. I have so much to live for but I don't know what I want my life's work to be. It makes me wonder if everyone in this world has a passion. I suppose many do but their passion is not what they do for a living. But a passion all the same. 

I truly sit and wonder what my passion is or will be. Is it staring me in the face? Have I not found it yet? Will I ever have one? I guess all I can do is wonder and continue looking for it. And if I don't find it wherever I am looking, I guess I'll have to try, try again.