Monday, March 28, 2011

If At First you Don't Succeed...

Bury your head in the sand and hide. I'm not serious but after this past Friday that is what I felt like doing. I had an interview with the first company that I was actually excited to work for in a long time. It was more than just someplace other than where I am now. It was a company I saw myself making my mark in. I interviewed on Wednesday and by Friday afternoon I had gotten my friendly, run of the mill, cookie cutter rejection email from the "recruiting team". Needless to say, I felt like burying my face in my pillow and sleeping for about 48 hours.

What all of the above means is that I am still in the same place that I was in December. Stuck in my same job since graduation, which I am grateful for but in no way passionate about. My fiancĂ© and I did get a house and my mother will be living with us (not as awful an idea as I originally thought, but we'll see).

But what this particular post is about is my coming to terms with my mounting rejections in the job field. I've prayed for patience until the job I want and deserve comes along but it still gets hard. I felt like a massive failure on Friday. But I'm taking the steps necessary to see what I am doing wrong and what I can do better in the future. Because honestly, something has got to give. I know that this time in my life will build my character and that I will be all the better for it and blah blah blah but shit, it still sucks when you're in the trenches of it.

What's the hardest part of this whole ordeal is not the rejection after rejection I have received over the course of the last year, but the fact that my job search is so varied because I don't know what my passion is. I don't have a sport, a hobby, a trade, a subject or even a curiosity about anything that I can think of. A life without passion is no life at all. I have so much to live for but I don't know what I want my life's work to be. It makes me wonder if everyone in this world has a passion. I suppose many do but their passion is not what they do for a living. But a passion all the same. 

I truly sit and wonder what my passion is or will be. Is it staring me in the face? Have I not found it yet? Will I ever have one? I guess all I can do is wonder and continue looking for it. And if I don't find it wherever I am looking, I guess I'll have to try, try again.